If

IF you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'

Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

By Rudyard Kipling

It Isn't Time That's Passing

Remember the long ago when we lay together

In a pain of tenderness and counted

Our dreams: long summer afternoons

When the whistling-thrush released

A deep sweet secret on the trembling air;

Blackbird on the wing, bird of the forest shadows,

Black rose in the long ago summer,

This was your song:

It isn't time that's passing by,

It is you and I.

By Ruskin Bond

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place: and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

By John McCrae

Mani Ratnam – A Living Legend in Film Making

It was just yesterday when I stumbled upon a DVD of Yuva. That too the Tamil version of it and decided to watch it to pass my afternoon. After watching the movie I somehow felt like finding my copy of Hindi Yuva and compare the two but I ended up admiring Mani Ratnam’s sheer brilliance. Mani Ratnam has now become a very known face of Indian cinema as a whole and his skill of handling sensitive issues in an entertaining fashion. And this admiration lead me into writing this blog.

Both the words of his name ‘Mani Ratnam’ convey the same meaning, “Precious Stone”.

Realistic, contemporary and complex—these words still fall short to describe Mani Ratnam. With a career spanning over more than two decades, Mani Ratnam has always walked the tight rope between commercial and art cinema. His films depict the human angle in all circumstances without being unnecessarily preachy. A film like Bombay was quite ahead of times. A young child wiping the ‘tikka’ of his grandfather's forehead during the religious riots to protect him, showed the child's acceptance of religious extremism - that is Mani Ratnam at his subtle best.

Born on June 2, 1956 in Madurai in Tamil Nadu, Mani went on to complete his graduation in management from Jamnalal Bajaj Institute of Management. His education was not in the field of cinema or anything related but he grew up watching films and remained connected to that world through his father, Gopal Ratnam Iyer and brother G Venkateswaran, who themselves were film producers. The moment of realisation came when in his mid-teens; he sat in a dark movie hall watching talented actors playing larger than life roles. And many years later after that eureka moment, Mani stopped running after the management job and chose what he always aspired to be; a filmmaker.

Mani Ratnam's first film was not in his mother tongue but in Kannada, Pallavi Anu Pallavi—a film which explored a relationship between a young man and much older woman. However, it was with Mouna Raagam, a love story that managed to be both tender and exquisite without being maudlin or syrupy that he made the cash registers ring. Then came Pagal Nilavu, a film that had to settle for quiet obscurity. It was with Nayakan that Mani Ratnam found his voice. He became a brand, which produced meaning full, sensitive flms. The trend of good cinema followed in his recent works, Aayitha Ezhuthu/Yuva, Kannathil Muthamittal, Dil Se, Roja, so on and so forth. In 1994, a retrospective of his Tamil films was shown at the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF).

Widely known for his ability to tread the middle way between artistic cinema and commercial cinema, working out a perfect recipe for all kinds of audiences, Ratnam's movies are further noted for their brilliance in technical aspects like art direction, cinematography and background score. His work has come to be recognised nationally and internationally, and in 2002, he was awarded the Padma Shri. The characteristic elements of Mani Ratnam's films include memorable music by notable Indian composers like A R Rahman and Ilayaraaja, a strong story line, sharp dialogue and innovative cinematography and art direction. He has worked with the best cinematographers in the country - notably P C Sriram, Balu Mahendra, Santosh Sivan, Ravi K Chandran, Rajiv Menon and the likes.

Mani Ratnam's movies cater to the middle classes and Anita Nair calls him the 'Salman Rushdie of the celluloid' for his widely different themes and controversial topics with his presence manifesting itself in every frame of the movies. His film making is clearly influenced by the American movies from The Godfather to E T to Singin' in the Rain, yet these are filtered, yet these are filtered through Indian song, dance and fashion. His films integrate music with plot—not only fantasy sequences, but social commentary and even political satire find their way into the dynamic musical numbers.

"Whatever one does, one must forever strive for excellence in any task and should be never satisfied with the second best," said JRD Tata and it seems that Mani Ratnam has taken. It is very difficult to choose which one has been his best film until now. His every movie has been realistic enough for one to identify with the characters and yet it does not really let go of that escapist tendency that Indian movies are so famous for.

“Zig zag zooooooom….”

And there goes a roller coaster, paving its way through the horrendous traffic. Why go to an amusement park when you can experience the ride on road itself.

Autos resemble mice with a pointed nose with a shining headlight and broad back going sideways at every turn. Its yellow and black body makes it look boring too. But then, ‘appearances can be deceptive’. The fun begins once you sit inside the auto. Having some idea of distances can take lot of time in negotiations with driver and may even include some arguments but then a ride does not come easy.

Basically meant for three passengers, these tiny three wheelers, with no doors or seat belts, can even accommodate as many as one can bargain for. Once inside, you get the opportunity to admire the interiors, usually reflecting the driver’s favourites ranging from actor’s pictures to symbols of faith they follow. Some may have radio as an additional charm making the ride entertaining as well. Autos also have a strange instrument known as ‘meter’ whose purpose is to show the charge of the ride according to the distance covered but a working meter is a rare site.

All roads prove themselves to be an ideal track. All the bends and curves give in that additional effect of adventure that lasts much longer as backaches and neck pains. Head collisions with roof can be avoided if one is cautious enough the hold on something while bumping on some pothole. The jerking breaks and escaping an anticipated crash, front falls at signals and a push backwards while starting, further makes the pulse race.

All this comes to an end on reaching the destination but you can be sure of one thing, rides are not over yet.

My People, My World

Sitting here in this boring room…its just another boring Sunday afternoon…wasting my time, I’ve got nothing to do…hanging around just waiting for you…but nothing ever happens…and I wonder!!!

And then I thought of making this entry.

Maybe coz I’m an only child, my friends have always been an integral part of my life. All my thoughts and what I feel at a particular moment is somewhat connected to this bunch of people whom I call core of my life, my friends. Since I don’t want to take names here, I will address them as what I feel about them.


1: Mr. Perfect

Mr. Perfect is no ways perfect. He is just like one of us with his own share of flaws but still somehow he is Mr. Perfect to me. I met him randomly few months back (to be more precise on 17th Nov ’06). That too in a very formal situation when I went to his office to collect the Pankaj Udhas concert passes. Then he was a just a senior from college. He was giving it to me just to get rid of them (as he promptly collected them from a colleague of his but could not make it to the concert). That day marked the beginning of a friendship that hasn’t seen much of dark days. That must be coz of the understanding we have of each other. Add to it, we are exact opposites, which kidda balances it all.

Things have changed from then to now, but that friendship we share is still the same and one thing that I can be sure of is that this relationship will not change much even if at some point of time we won’t be the way we are today. I can very easily take the blame of things that causes mess between us. Being a very spontaneous and moody person I do react violently in certain situations but thanks to his faith in me I haven’t caused any damage to this relationship. I am glad to have him in my life and also that he is the way he is.


2: My Partner in Crime, Joy, Fun and Distress

We were a part of the same girls’ gang since our college days but never great friends. It is now after three years that I have discovered a friend, a best friend in her. We got together by chance that too after a break of a year and now it feels as if we have always been together. I wonder how I will ever manage without her.

We are together for the most part of the day that includes office, then hanging around making crazy plans, breaking rules, having ‘chai’ and things that I cannot write about. I do not have any friends in the office and she is to be blamed. I never get enough time to go around and talk to others as I always have something or the other to tell her or to hear from her. She is the only reason that makes me feel like going to office. Thanks for making me come to the office and not get fired.


3: Mommy

She has always been the mommy of the gang. The one who has something to say on the happenings in our lives. The one who is given the responsibility to be unbiased and save the situation. Recently things have got slightly haywire basically coz of the distance and our independent schedules. However, when we meet it is like we have never been away. Now-a-days our girls’ gang is going through a tough time and in some way I am also responsible. Thanx a lot for meeting us day before yesterday. It was so nice to chat with ya over a chocolate cake.


4: My Kiddo

She is like the li’l kid of the gang. Or maybe it is just me who feels like that. Things have got real messy between us, to an extent that we are not talking to each other. When I look back at how things were, this situation becomes something right out of a nightmare. It seems like yesterday when we were together through thick and thin. The way I was with her during her tough time and the support she extended when I was all alone.

And today we have reached a point where we cannot ‘tolerate’ each other. Where I feel that she is being irrational and is deriving meaning out of things and she thinks that I am a changed person.

Changed??? Maybe. But one thing that I am sure of is that I haven’t changed to an extent where I will not care about her. She was and still is one of the most important people in my life. I may have differences with her, may fight with her, shout at her but I cannot bring myself not to love her. I am still there where I was all these years. Only if she could turn back and see what we had and what we are doing to it. Nope. We cannot throw off something this beautiful that we have, not for anything or anybody on this earth. Kiddo, I love ya loads.


5: My Bro, my best friend

He is one thing that I always wanted in my life, bro. Though extreme opposites we still have something unique to us. Guess it is the way our relationship has come this far in spite of all the differences and fights that we have had. He is one person with whom I have seen one of the toughest times in my life and the same for goes for him and we have emerged out of it victorious just as phoenix emerges out of its ashes.

We have seen each other grow to the kidda people we are today. One and half years may not look like a long time but we have experienced a lifetime in this short span. Today, sitting in different cities we know that we are there for each other. One thing I admire about this guy is his love, care and dedication for the people he loves. Nobody can match it ever. It might have brought him loadsa sorrow and heartbreaks but this is one thing that he never gave away. If he loves you, he will be there for ya. I can never thank my stars enough for bringing ya into my life. Kudos bro!!!


6: NUPIU, an ideal friend

We became friends when we were in kindergarten. 18 years have passed since then. Times changed, so did people but our friendship is still the same. Just as it has always been. We were never fortunate enough to have been able to spend too much time physically together but there were no distances either. We wrote letters when we couldn’t meet and had no cell phones at our convenience. Meetings came once in a month or two, that too just few hours. Those hours were never enough to tell each other all that we were going through. Our lives had been like open books to each other. No mistakes hidden or secrets kept from each other. We were each others’ secret keepers.

We have kidda lived each others’ lives, knowing every bit of it. And the best part being that even now, we are still the same to each other. Our face lights up on the slight mention of the other one. We are different and yet similar. We are best buddies.


7: Crazy bum

She is one crazy thing in my life. And the only one to challenge my craziness. We meet with a ringing laughter and it lingers on even after we are back to our respective lives. Nothing in this world looks serious to two of us. In fact we have a world of our own when we are together. A world of memories and plans for future. That does not mean that we didn’t have any tough time to face. We did. But nothing ever looked big enough to affect us strongly. Nothing that could crack the bond that we share.


8: The cute one

She is the tiniest and cutest of all my buddies. Life is like a roller coaster with her. She supports me in all my crazy plans and will stick around in tough times. Will try to be my care-taker and end up being taken care of by me. She is always charged up for good and bad. She is one person who makes me have a glimpse of kidda mother I will be. She is just like my baby.

We have had dirtiest fights ever but how things became right between us is one topic we still talk about and end up finding no answer to it. After a big fight, one fine day, we just forgot all the issues that we had with each other and spoke out. Then we hugged and we realised what we had been missing all the time. Since then we never had any major fight, just chotu-motu things that really does not matter much. Being shouted at is one thing she cannot take and shouting it all out is one thing I cannot help and is also one thing that I do very often. But still, nothing’s important as long as we are friends. And trust me; it is for a long long time to come.


9: Ms Rebel

She is one person who knows what she wants and also how to get it. There are things that she believes in and will stick to it, no matter what. She is a rebel, she is me. This is no lyrics of some famous song but this is Ms Rebel, my mirror image.

We are like twins. We have gone through good and bad phases almost at the same time. Let it be our experiences with people or situations we landed ourselves in or for that matter the way we dealt with it and are what we are today.

We lose touch very often but this is not the case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ with us. We always know that we are just a call away. A call and we are back to times when we were together in the school, bitching about teachers, making fun of boys and flirting around. It’s like we were never away. I haven’t spoken to her for over a month now or maybe more than that but still I know she is there and still cares for me the way she used to and so do I.


10. Christiano aka Dumbz

He is one of the sweetest people I have ever come across. ‘Simple’ is the word for him. I met him randomly on net. That was when I had just discovered internet and was so amused by the chat rooms. There I met this simple straight forward guy who never gets tired of explaining his stand to a particular thing or situation. He can go on and on. That still remains the same with him. This is one thing that always bugged and amused me at the same time.

This is one guy who means every word he says and his loyalty can never waver. He is what he is and he’ll accept it either for good or for bad. This guy has taught me many lessons in life, all for good. He made me see how one can love and respect a person with a pure heart. I know that I mean the world to him. He never said it overtly but I know it. And I know I’m right. Kidda brat I am, I have given him loadsa bad moments but he never complained. I shouted at him for small things and didn’t talk to him for months for the plain reason that I was pissed with him for some or the other reason. However, I still remained his best friend. He is the one who had gone outta his ways to make me feel special. Today, I want to tell him that he is equally special to me. I might not have said it often but I love him from the core of my heart. I love ya loads sweetz.


11. Hero

He is the first person I ever called ‘the hero’. We are from the same batch in the school and used to take same coaching but we rarely, oops, never spoke. Our first chat was long after school was over, when I met him randomly at one market place. As a part of formality we exchanged numbers. Then just as an attempt to stay in touch with a batch mate we spoke and never realised how we became such good friends.

Once again, we are extreme opposites. He is one quiet guy when I am a chatterbox. He would rarely raise his voice at me when I keep nagging him (and trust me, I am too loud) for every small thing. He hardly has anything to complain about while my list of complaints cease to end and still he’ll be there with me and for me.

He never used to speak out things to me (okay! now he does) and made me wonder of the depth of our relationship. He is one and only person who had ever made me feel insecure. One person who made me realise his worth the hard way. And I love and cherish him with all I have.

As he always say, I have never been there through his hard times whatever the reasons be but he never complained and had always been glad that finally I did come around. And I am left with nothing more than guilt to see him go through it all by himself. We have our reasons and we understand them. I better not get started on them.

Anyways, he is one of the best things ever happened to me. Thanx for being there.


12. My Langotia Yaar

I can keep going down the memory lane and she will always be there. We have been friends since the time I remember. We lived in same neighbourhood and were admitted to the kindergarten at the same time in the same school. We have been a part of each others lives for more than 20 years now. Telling each other every bit of what we did and what happened to us the entire day comes as normally to us as breathing. We are like each others’ personal diary to which we keep making an entry everyday.

Even post school, after I came to Delhi and then went to Chennai and now back in here, things haven’t changed a bit. It’s still the same. Back home means spending maximum time with her. Doing night outs at each others’ place is not much different from sleeping on our beds.

Since 20 years is a good part of 22 year old life, we have had our share of major and minor fights. But we always came in terms with each others’ flaws just like two sisters would. And now, we are so used to the way we are that nothing affects us to an extent of triggering a fight. She knows it already what she means to me and also how bad I can be at expressing it to her. She is my one and only chaddi buddy. Love ya loads.

EXPECT UNEXPECTED!!!

It seems like a day full of unexpected events. It started with me getting up on time and reaching college on dot. The next surprise was completing my test on time without waiting for MJ to shout out, "Hey folks! You are slow like tortoises."

Test went fine and it was then that I realised that high time, I should start writing full words. The realisation came in when I had to keep cutting down the short forms that I kept on writing accidentally. Not to mention capitalisations at the right place. The final blow was the spell check question. I do not know what made me look up, at the heading, which had the name of the organisation that gave this test last year. "The Indian Express", it said.

Remembering the fact that I was running short of time and had to answer another four questions, I again looked at the words I had to correct. Occassion, Annonymous, Defecit, Exonarate, Halucination, Reconnaisance, Dogmateism, Butteress, Anaesthisia and Recieve. It looked like child's play to me. 'Occassion is of course OCCASION...one sec is it, OCASSION...nah! Or is OCCASSION right...?' I knew the spelling was wrong and also the right spelling but why was I confused. Maybe because it had been real long time since I spelled the word as a whole. Sheeeeeesh! And this confusion went on for the next nine words as well. It's enough. And I decided not to use Short Message Service language anymore. In fact not just that, but to take care of punctuations, capitals, paragraphs and everything else. But that was not the end of it.

As we walked out of the classroom 1B, I got a message from my co-editor, Kunal, that he will get late to the college. And he asked me to handle the situation if MJ gets interested in him in his absence. Thinking about how to handle the situation for myself I came to lab 4 where Group B has to work. MJ got some press releases with herself and asked us to write reports out of it, not to mention, without giving any peace to our minds. Unfortunately, being editor for the week MJ was my constant companion until the last minute and for the entire hour I kept explaining her how 'my' reporters are nowhere to be seen along with their stories.

I spent about 10 minutes hunting them down. Iyer, as always managed a clean sweep. He is not filing any stories this week. While I was randomly going through the folders for this week's production, I stumbled upon another unexpected. MJ wants business, arts and culture, and science stories from metroving section. If everything goes into other sections, what are we going to have in metroving? No clue.

As if MJ read my mind, suddenly she pops up with, "Miss Editor, where are the stories for metroving?"

Nation page editors are still missing and no one knows:
1: Where are they?
2: What are their mobile numbers?
3: What are they filing?
4: How far have they reached with their stories?
5: Are they going to be seen anywhere?And these questions still linger on.

And the usual and the most unwanted thing happen. MJ asks, "Editors, have you heard of the word 'panic'? When are you planning to do that?"

Now since you cannot ignore MJ’s very high-pitched voice, I did hear her say that, I looked up. She was glaring at me and it definitely was not a coincidence. She opened her mouth to add value to what she just said but then shut it without saying anything. It was then that I realized that I had a very stupid, blank expression on my face. Something like raised eyebrows and twisted lips. She just walked off and I turned back to my laptop to continue typing this entry.


PS1: I'm alive in spite of being in lab 4 with MJ for so long.
PS2: I'm feeling good that I finally managed to stick on my resolution on using complete spellings.
PS3: MJ or Mahalakshmi Jayaram is our professor and we work under her.

Moon - My Companion To An Unknown Destination

Sitting here, in this cozy corner, listening to 'everything I do...', I look out of the big window just to realize that I am in some kind of fairy land. I see hundreds of lights from the city and I believe them to be stars scattered all over. And that moon...so full, so big and so close to me, as if I can raise my hand and touch him. Shining amongst these stars, moving along with me. Has he understood his charm on me, my want for him..? Am I that transparent..? If not, then why is he coming along with me, smiling at me, to an unknown destination... I am on cloud nine...

Pathway to Heaven...

picture by Sneha Pillai

MY ROOM, MY HOME FOR NINE MONTHS…

My room, my home shares many secrets of mine, a place that is witness to both happy and sad days in Chennai. I share the place with two others. A big room, with its three beds lying side by side, gives it a dormitory look. With the paint peeling off its wall like a tree shedding leaves in autumn and the floor with permanent stains as if the signatures of its previous dwellers, it still appeals to me. The yellow paint though dull and lifeless does give it a serious look. It seems it had been waiting for ages to have colors splashed on it. Still it stands strong and still. The door with an ethnic ornamental handle seems to confirm the never-ending wait of the room. Waiting for joy, smiles and celebrations but day after day that room is left alone and is remembered only when, I’m too tired to go anywhere else and need a place to sleep. How does it feel to be unwanted...? Maybe if rooms could feel the way we do, my room would have been the most depressed one. But then, it’s just a room. A place we go to end the day.

My room’s level is lower than the lobby’s. One needs to take a step down to get into the room. Looking left at the three steel cupboards, standing next to each other, vaguely reminds me of an industrial era aptly described in ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’. The sight of steel laid ahead goes so well with my imagination of period that had more metal and fewer people. However, Sai Baba ji’s picture on my roommate’s cupboard comes out like a ray of light in this darkness of a bygone era. The other door on the left wall of our room leads to the washroom, which is all green, starting from tiles to toiletries, flooring and everything. Green had never been my favorite. I always preferred pink. The blurred mirror over the washbasin gives me a dull look. Compounding that, the uneven leveling of the floor has made me fall down twice. I never liked this bathroom much but home it is for me.

My room is spacious but littered with all of our stuff. Yet it has a sense of emptiness about it. Ironically, even the big window on the opposite wall gives a sense of confinement. It opens to the caretaker’s house and makes it impossible to gaze outside, at the world. The rusty net on the window not only prevent mosquitoes from getting into the room, but also imaginations wandering into space. Even sunlight and fresh air find it hard to cross this manmade barrier.

The wall that stretches across the right side of the room, with nothing on it, not even a picture, reflects the blankness of life. However, some funny posters put up by me and my roommates have tried to fill the void. Having a Shrek-2 poster and another one saying, ‘Deadlines amuse me’ gives the room some life. After all the best cure for blankness in life is humor.

Sneha if I ever had a sister, I would like her to be like u!

I am taking the liberty to post the first post on my sister’s blog
The first poem I wrote for Vava--

--You came into my life uncalled for;
Destiny made us meet;
Paths crossed time and again;
It was a story in the making;
A story of friendship;
Many words spoken and written;
How much i care for you i could never tell?
I wish you would know;
That friendships are worth living for when a person has friends like you-Sneha!